hikikomorikami

dongeng buat coreng

youre like deep inside a big cave where nobody can see you

not even those wolves

youre wearing a miniskirt made out of tree bark and one of those bras made of polished coconut shells

youre painting bisons and moons and stars and wolves on the damp cave walls

in the dark

the bisons will turns out like wolves and the moons like stars and the stars like you

you paint them with yr own blood

menstrual blood

though youre not regular

last time was september and now its april

according to the stick calendar you keep off yr head

so mostly you cut yrself with a lil piece of glowing rock

broken off a stalactite

and yr blood glows too as if in cahoots

then one day youre half asleep

when from the corner of your eyes you see

a light moving in

its a small light

like a kunang2

but you hvnt seen the light for so long

like 200 years

and you dont know anymore what that moving yellow thing is

you try to say the word out loud so you remember

but you forgot you havent spoken to anyone for 200 years

so what comes out was just gibberish

lousdfiusbfsudyc;oiasb;ch;s!

asbdfsldbyflyrfoweyo!

youre so frustrated you start to tear at yr hair and yr coconut shell bras except youve worn them for so long theyve grown into yr skin or yr sin into it who knows

yr SIN into it! wow thats better!

so finally you just run at the little yellow light that floats in the darkness like the darkness was a slow river

and you swam in the darkness

and the light gives off this scent

that makes your head feel so light

like youve got no head

and you feel so happy

and you wanna hug the light

but it was so small it kept escaping your embrace

so you think

but youve got no head so you wonder how you cd still think

and think how u cd still wonder

you think maybe you could just sing to the light

after all you went to the cave 200 years ago when you felt so lonely

maybe the light was lonely too

maybe it would like to listen to something pretty

like a lullaby

something that wd remind it of its mothers bosom

her gendong batik

how warm and safe that must feel

so you start to hum that song

you still cant remember or say the words

cos you hvnt spoken in 200 years

but you know the notes cos you used to play the piano

and youve got good ears

and in human language it still sounds like dcvfklbslbfh;obf;obyf;

isbdcfiscflibye

oiyeroiybeiybeyv

except to the light it sounds beautiful

its so beautiful

the little light slows down

then stops

right in front of yr chest

yr coconut-shelled chest

you could almost touch it

but you were too busy singing

because the words start to make sense now

n n a b b

n n n i a oo oo

niii aaaa nooo bbbb ooo

nih       nah

ni na

bbbb

ooooo

bbboooooooo

and the light is so happy it stops moving entirely

it feels so safe and warm

and you can feel it too

the cave

the hairy bisons on the walls

the world

the everythings safe and warm like a mothers bosom

and the light doesnt even realise it starts to grow dim

dimmer

and dimmer

and you were so caught up in singing and listening to yr own words
that you dont realise the light

when you raise yr head to see if it was still there listening to you

WAS GONE

the pretty little light was gone!

you cant believe it

just as much as you cant believe youve started to speak human words again

what use are human words in a world without light?

the next day you tell yrself never to pay so much attention to any single light like that again

you paint yr bisons and yr wolves and yr stars and you sign it THE END