“often we pay homage to appropriate moral sentiments while our real feelings drift elsewhere.”

do you remember how warrant’s cherry pie starts

with the dirty, rotten, filthy, stinking, rich!

shout?

whaaat?

then what do you remember?

the uncut elephant grass in your backyard?

how it made you see green

when I let you fondle my breasts?

white as winter.

“they’re so white they’re blue,” you said.

or maybe it was someone else who said.

when it comes to memories

mammaries

things are as slippery as, you’ve guessed it,

newly cut grass.

how did I make my wimple?

carton ripped out of a birthday cake box

snowman round tip permanent marker——rouge (vor kindern sicher aufbewahren!——did they mean the places I frequent?)

and a little bit of that je ne sais quoi, mon amour.

in the morning the floor was caked

with processed flour, dirt, and blood from your cut lip.

we kept the faith

as we promised

we did

——but no one saw it.

SEMENTARA BIARLAH BEGINI

the koran on the floor covers up vomit that leaks out of the serrated edges of the paper like, what, ya, what, blood running down the small channel for the blood of the sacrificed lambs in the temple mount.

in the b.c. days. in the a.d. version of the last tempation of christ. i don’t believe in willem dafoe as jesus.

and the blood sounds fake as it trickles down into a square hole in the ground. kricik, kricik.

i’m a man and i make big important statements about the state of the world.

which reminds me, i’ve got nothing big or important to say about/of/to the world.

that is because i know nothing about the state of my heart.

that is why i easily get sentimental like that.

“sentimentality is a failure of feeling”

it’s a failure of peeling

the onion skin of your ‘art.

pecundangkal.

do you read the ‘pecundang’

or the ‘pecun dangkal’

or the missing entry from eko endarmoko’s tesaurus bahasa indonesia, ‘pecundangkal’?

i often imagine this scene: eko, hasif, nirwan, gm, laksmi

le dernier diner aux café TUK

then jove would ask: does anyone know the indonesian word for ‘imagined’?

and EVERYONE would raise their hands.

bastards.

do you remember when we went to the strip bar

a black ACE umbrella did a headstand on its plastic tip

and you said: it’s easier to peel the apple skin of your art?

LINNER KILES

"you don't have the decency to change the sheets"

"walau kamu / tak semancung / gunung-gunung di belahan bumi pertiwi"

"i know it isn't real love / that you see in her eyes / 'cause she's never / met a man she didn't like"

"i'm tired of living like an eskimo!"

"just before our love got lost, you said / i am as constant as a northern star, and i said / constantly in the darkness? where's that at?"

"that brutality and the economy are related now I understand"

"enam hari berseragam / rambutku t'lah mereka hancurkan"

"i don't need to be the king of the world / as long as i'm the hero of this little girl"

"i don't need to be a superman / as long as you will always be my biggest fan"

"yousufferanddie!"

"i guess i should've known / by the way you park your car sideways / that it wouldn't last"

"o ibu aku tadi dapat surat / dari seorang pemuda sebelah rumah / kertas kosong hanya terlukis / gambar hati ditusuk panah"

"no one will ever love you honestly / no one will ever love you for your honesty"

"i'm crazy for you but not that crazy"

"home was anywhere with diesel gas / love was a trucker's hand"

"i feel like hell / you feel like dancing"

"i could dress in black and read camus / smoke clove cigarettes and drink vermouth / like i was 17 / that would be a scream"

"the injuns want their land back / what's for trade? a teepee? / i'll bet your wampum your hairstyle is out"

"it's irrelevant / i'm an elephant / she's a mouse"

"i feel the pain of everyone / then i feel nothing"

"we're not gonna take it, no!, we ain't gonna take it!"

"sebelum fatahillah / ada baiknya berputar arah"

"aku / cinta / J.A.K. / A.R.T.A!"

"pass the word / the chicks are back"

"jadikan aku yang kedua / buatlah diriku bahagya"

"he hasn't dropped them / forgot them / or anything / it's just too heavy / for superman / to lift"

"my fist / your face"

who? what about you? etc.