i need crutches for my ego

this is it.

this is the old artery of the city.

or the artery of the old city.

whichever way you look at it

it's clogged.

used books like bricks.

old storefronts for new businesses.

booming.

like, really booming.

or is it really?

magnificence of supply

doesn't always mean

super-duper demand.

what am i talking about?

kwitang, at 4.37 pm.

interfaith dialogue

in action:

gunung agung - wali songo - gunung mulia

a 'torn dollar bills bought' makeshift stall -

(really, just a man sitting next to a sign

made of corrugated iron

his bum bag hanging on its back)

a man on crutches walking slowly

very slowly

i could't bear to watch -

me.

sometimes i don't know why i live in this place

sometimes i think:

i have ruined my life.

but then i get an afternoon like this

the sky was blue

thin cigarette smokes

of clouds in the corner

bright sun

like a halogen lamp

turned on too early

and nothing

that could make me sad.

i walked past the man on crutches

he was old

maybe he's a 'character'

from around here

or maybe i'm just thinking that

because i didn't want anything to make me sad.

or because i was too happy

i was only thinking happy thoughts

of me in this big city

and finding my place in it.

i walked into bpk gunung mulia

upstairs into the sunday school section

and grabbed all the little house

books i could find.

ten of them.

there are eleven in the series.

'one is still in the printers,' the cashier said.

'oh, okay.'

10 out of 11 ain't bad.

i should count myself lucky.

i walked down the blue-carpeted stairs

stains of man on the silver railings

perfect fingerprints

sweat

and i saw the sign

70% off

great combination of numbers and letters

the greatest idea of man

and of course i went

and found

the last one

the last copy

marked down

yellowing on the margin

the eleventh of the 11

books i wanted.

i am lucky.

i am happy.

i am.

i walked out.

the sun was still shining

the sky was still blue

more clouds, more like cotton candy

but hey,

you can't have everything.

i walked down the street

looking for a taxi

and i saw

the old man on crutches

stopping

gathering strength

50 metres from where i saw him last.

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