pantone 292*

aku tak mau lagi bawa lentera
yakin akan akurasi GPS-ku ke arah hatimu
mata pun kupejamkan
pohonpohon tinggal perasaan
jalan seperti awan

oleholeh pun ku tak punya, hanya keringat sedikit dingin di tangan

aku tak sempat pula pakai deodoran
tak sempat sikat gigi
tak sempat mandi
tak sempat melatih teknik ciuman

kemarin cicak jatuh dari langitlangit kamar
ekornya putus
apakah ini pertanda sesuatu ?

aku tahu terasmu tinggal sepuluh depa di depan sana
aku seperti perenang buta
bernama nirwan
berwarna asalasalan

aku akan hancurkan terasmu
bakar atap rumbiamu
biar kita berdua moksa ke dalam pilu





*ditulis sebagai jawaban buat puisi maria ingrid, "warna temaram", di milis bungamatahari

where is the madness that you promise me, where is the dream for which ive paid dearly ?*

ive spent too much of my time

telling other peoples tales

this country

the cracks on its

concrete-blown surface

ive bitten too hard

into the mouthpiece

of my bards mask

there are splinters

buried deep all over

my tounge

time to spit the world out !

let me tell you some things

about myself:

i long

to get rid of all my friends

sometimes

so i can wander the streets

of this city

alone

see my heart

displayed in a thousand teletrons

around bunderan hi

its chambers of horrors

the girls ive abandoned in my life

slaving away in white night gowns

pumping pus

into my veins

i will watch them work

sipping tonkotsu broth

in the revolving restaurant of my heart

26 floors up

never closer to tian !

paradiso

sorga di bumi

i will smile

thinking of how much

ive relied on the kindness of others

for my happiness

and how ive never replied

in kind.

this will not be a long story

no season 2 for the weak-willed !

my life is short

and theres been no glory

only a million firecrackers

in the puffy hands of little children

running amok in the pure black sky of my soul

thanks dave eggers !

ive learnt a lot from your verbal acrobatics

however much i despise

you and your mcsweeneys cohorts !

i will re-read couples

and fantasize about all the possible affairs

i could have with girlfriends

boyfriends wives

husbands of friends

and friends of friends

i will destroy my life

over and over again !

but it will be okay

because everything will be in my head

and in the teletrons

2100 meters below

i see no evidence

of alive brain stem

or the careful calculation

of which path to take

stopping by woods

on a snowy evening

where is the the ?

i hate you robert frost !

even your name is cold

and 2100 meters above sea level

a pair of bamboo chopsticks

feel as heavy as

a fatty smoker's lung.

then i will take

the slowest elevator down

into the basement

of my petty

nit-picking

auto-hagiography.



* the magnetic fields, 'no one will ever love you', i like singing this song to myself, especially these lines