Tentu aku ingin menulis entah bagaimana tapi tentu aku tahu sebenarnya kenapa

—terdampar lagi di kamar ini
wallpaper motif trellis
mengelupas di sana sini
dua lampu sorot
tepat di atas kepala
lubang angin berbentuk hati
layang layang tanpa ekor
di langit sana

—langit di sini selalu biru
Pantone 292

—bukan misteri juga
sebenarnya seandainya
aku bisa mencegah menciumnya
di pojok bar gelap
dan seminggu kemudian
bilang ya saja
waktu dia menuntut
kita tidak bisa begini terus
    kan gila

—tapi memang
sekali layang layang putus tali
tak ada yang mau benar benar tahu
siapa kini menaikkannya kembali

—mungkin juga tinggal rangka
gering di pucuk angsana

          —kejar mengejar ada mangsanya
             sekarang telah tiba
             musim instan
             benang telah digelas
             layang layang berekor
             bertelinga

—kalau hidup bisa seperti berburu
bukit hijau padang savanna
Afrika Sumbawa

    —berhenti
       (begitu saja)
       peluru menembus kepala
       atau hati ?

                —belajarlah anatomi !

—semua hanya khayal semata
dan kata orang
32 waktunya beranjak dewasa

    —aku pun sadar itu

       —ada saatnya
          turunkan ayunan
          menggantung dasi
          sebagai gantinya

—mana mungkin ada
hidup tanpa autopsi
hanya penyembelihan
diikuti makan pesta pora
di depan api unggun
tangan tangan merah hitam
diusapkan ke celana

    —tidak!
       hidup penuh post-mortem
       segalanya
       perhitungan gono gini
       siapa yang membayar liburan ke Bali
       siapa yang waktu itu ragu ragu pergi
       cinta siapa yang lebih sejati ?

—baik kau biasakan
aku biasakan
naik banding
ke Mahkamah Percintaan
dengan kau sebagai
Hakim Ketua
Hakim I
Hakim II
Jaksa
Pembela

    —aku sekedar pesakitan
       di kursi berpunggung rotan

           —di laporan koran esok hari
          hanya foto punggungku yang diedarkan

    —penjahat memang harus dihindari
   
           —takut menular !

—Dewan Hakim Yang Mulia
ampunilah aku
karena aku tak tahu pun
apa yang telah kulakukan
aku tahu ini bukan alasan
apalagi alibi yang tak bisa dibantahkan
aku hanya menuntut
belas kasihan-Mu
karena aku manusia
tak tahu malu

    —seandainya hidup
       sesentimentil bayanganku !

—sekarang, ingat ingat ini,
catat kalau bisa
di blocnoot murahan pun tak apa
asal 'kwaliteit baik' :
kau sedang duduk duduk di Popi's
kedai kecil di Gondangdia Lama
menonton kereta Bogor
melintasi bulan
lengan lengan
menggantung keluar
dari pintunya
dan hidup rasanya
seperti inilah seharusnya
selamanya

—masukkan Selected Poems
Williams-mu ke dalam tas
tak usah kunci tutupnya
ini kan hanya simbolik saja
toh kau sudah hapal
di luar kepala
The Widow's Lament in Springtime
atau apapun dari
Journey to Love
(bukankah manis
epigrafnya:
'For My Wife'
—'the whole process is a lie' !—
this whole poem

(—unless, paling tidak di kota ini
kau selalu kembali ke rumah
walau kau juga yang merusaknya)

—at the sentence level

u tried to hit me in the balls and missed

i called u a dog becoz i felt like one

she secretly hoped at least one of her pupils wd put in death be not proud in their anthologies of life changing poems of my life and no one did and she wondered if then theres any point in keeping her wish a secret

standing in a supermarket aisle she wondered if she cd die from swallowing a 12-piece box of crayons

she secretly listens to barbra streisand

four years ago to the day he went to bbs climbed the two flights of stairs to the second floor saw the sastro were playing and got out

he saw sastro the giant twice at the old ciledug plaza sat cross legged with the kids on the floor but refused to shake his hand both times because he thought it looked soft like a cows brain

when he was sixteen he went to an outdoor all day music festival and it was raining and muddy and why did he even go but still he didnt mind missing a lou reed acoustic set because he really wanted to get that sausage stick for tilly

my life has been kinda bleak lately hows yrs been ?

the karaoke machine is broken wd u like a cup of tea ?

she knew her neighbours were murdered but she was the junior mortician her expertise meant nothing

im pretty sure i will die knowing full well that i never gave myself a chance to do what i really want

he travelled around the world for years 103 countries at the last count but he came back last year to the village where he was born to marry his high school sweetheart which made him feel pretty much like a loser

the army guys confiscated the manuscript for my new novel last night ive been working on it for four years i feel like stabbing my own eyes with a pencil

she was convinced that you and i are a gang of losers was all about wayne gretzky and no one believed her

unlike others in this city he doesnt think arian13 is that great a lyricist but hes just never found the right occasion to say it

i'm gonna do this all day since yesterday i missed out,

what do you do when you can't think outside the box?

do you set up a b&b inside and serve yrself breakfasts

of cold bacon strips and crumbly hash browns

all day?

do you dig invisible tunnels

into the center of the earth

where box or no box

people melt

like arby's cheese

into something nondescript

something neither cheese nor not-cheese?

put up a periscope

into the nether world

where tristan fucks isolde off

gorges himself on pastry and chicks in a great banquet

at bayreuth

wagner M.I.A.

everything's M.I.A. these days

the possibility of you and me

growing a vegetable garden

in a nuclear universe

i want to grow carrot cakes!

i will eat them with you all day!

and throw them on yr face

and you mash them on mine

when we're bored

with the green

apocalyptic sun

i will read blake to you

and you will read him back to me

and by the end of the day

we will speak exclusively

in visionary tyger-ish verse

of life in the slow lane

the cars on our right

mere shadows

speeding by.