The knife may forget but not the wood.*

ill pay anything
    to get the feeling back
        of when i was three
sitting in the back seat of a cab
    looking out towards a game parlour
        my dad sitting next to me
—us not touching—
    explaining the laws of pinball
        to the back of my head

the world was large then
    i habitually refused to eat
        the glazed decorative
cherry on top of my sundaes

sometimes i get the feeling back
    for free
        when walking out of a mall
i see the unfinished summit
    of a skyscraper
        how the steel skeletons,
the still crane like a giant watchmen,
    the workmen with their chests of white light,
        how they never tire
of building up

largesse out of life.



* nepali proverb.

guess it runs in the family

Rumah indahmu
(written while watching Tita* playing water at San Diego Hills**)
Endang Johani***

tercapailah kini yang kau cita
diam di bukit luas cakrawala
rumput hijau memangku danau

kalau tidak di hari tuamu
maka biarlah di hari abadimu
senyum bidari
nyala lilin
menyambutmu
karena kau pulang di hari jadimu

riang cucumu mengecipak sejuknya air
yang mengalir di pinggir makammu
kutahu kau damai di alam sana
karena makammu indah penuh bunga

                                             18/02/08****

Di makam tua
(written otw from bekonang***** to skh******, very sleepy)
Endang Johani

dua orang lelaki
dua generasi
berjongkok di kerikil makam
mencabut perdu, memungut daun bertebaran
menyapu jejati di tanah hujan
berdoa kepada tuhan yang hampir dilupakan
kupandangi mereka, mengharukan

lalu kutaruh bunga di atasnya
bapak/yangkung, ibu/yangti
dan adik bayi mungil di kaki makam
yang kini dipangku Tuhan

                                            21/03/08

*my mom's granddaughter, not from me
**actually in Krawang
***my mom, yesterday she asked, as she handed me these poems, 'how do i join your Bunga Matahari thing?'
****the day after my dad, her husband, died
*****a little village outside solo where my mom's family comes from, also ray sahetapy's village in opera jakarta, because arswendo atmowiloto who wrote the script came from this sleepy, incestuous village, too. so did srimulat
******sukoharjo, the kabupaten town next to solo, we were going to a wedding there